My ramblings.

And another day, and another urge to update this blog.

But what DO I write about? No real drama in my life at the moment, pretty much boring. So I think today I'm going to do a little soul searching.

What IS love? Too much has been written about it in novels, talked about in movies. So much so, that now when I say I "love" a person, it feels like hypocrisy. How do you know if you love a person? If you hang out with them a lot, like their company? But that holds true for a lot of people in my life, and I dont feel the same way about them. Where does one cross the line between a really good friend and a love? Or maybe you love all your good friends? But when do you start giving that ONE person so much importance, so much that you allow him to control what you're feeling?

A fight, and you're upset. A simple declaration of love, or some sweet words, and you're on 7th heaven. Why do we give someone else so much power over us, and trust them not to misuse it? Which, 9 times out of 10, people do. I've seen too many people messing with others minds, and yet I refuse to learn. Stupid, aint it? Love IS stupid, I guess. I realise I'm rambling now, but it feels nice to ramble, just to talk and talk, without caring if anyone else is listening or not.

But, I promise myself, no longer will you have the power to disturb me. One year was enough, no more.

Even if you take away my friends, I'll get them back. And one day, I'll move away from the shadow that is you.

Stupid Tofu.

I know a girl called Tofu. She does stupid things. Like forgetting things. Not getting her phone recharged even if she has the money. Not attending classes just for the heck of it. Fighting with her boyfriend over immaterial things. Getting annoyed when there is no reason to. Not paying attention to others feelings. Being too wrapped up in her own world. And times, going dumb, and not realising things. And she' sorry about all this. Very very sorry. And thankful too, at times, for people who understand her and tolerate her inspite of her stupidity. She loves them a lot, even though she sucks at showing it.

Tofu is a sucky girlfriend, and she's sorry for it.

First day at Singapore

This is something I wrote while at Singapore, my first day there. Just wanted to post it.

So I'm sitting here in my room at Singapore, in my pj's with Pintu at my side, and I cant help but feel awfully homesick. It's a new place, but that doesnt bother me, the distance from my friends does. I seems like a child, or worse a "sensitive" girl, who cries at every occasion. But I'm missinf everyone so much, from the useless conversations to just, being there. Maybe it's just because its my first day here and its been a long and tiring journey, or perhaps its even separation from the internet.

But most probably, its the not being able to tell someone all that you saw, share your annoyances and to take pleasure in your happiness. It's the he not being able to be there for him when he needs me the most. Or it's just, the distance. Oh god, all I want to do is read his typing, or listen to some lame joke that only he can crack. I wonder if he misses me as much, or maybe, not at all. Maybe he doesnt even realise I'm not there, wrapped up in his own life. Not that I blame him for that, infact that is what I hope, that he's happy in himself and doesnt bother about me. I can handle myself, he doesnt need to mess his exams for me.I dont even know why I care this much, its just that I do. Maybe, just, MAYBE, I am falling in love with him. Oh god, just let us prove we can handle the distance, that we CAN make it work.

And now, as I sleep with Pintu tightly curled in my arms, I hope tomorrow will be better and everything will work out. Atleast, I hope so. And soon I'll be back, blabbing away about my day while you patiently listen, and make me laugh, once again.

I want to tell you about the awful strawberry drink I had in the morning, how I almost fainted from the lack of food. About how beautiful Singapore is at times, and how things dont fit because there is no you. How sparse my room is, and how bad the food is. And, most of all, how my eyes are blurry and my tears are smudging the pages. Or, maybe not that.

First day in Singapore, and I'm terribly homesick.