Still sitting in Mumbai, I just planned a Christmas party, and had a lot of fun doing that. Running around wearing a christmas hat, calling myself "Santa's helper" made me happy. Really happy, somewhere deep inside. I felt, and not for the first time, that THIS was how I wanted my family to be, my house to be. Everything here, at mami's place seems perfect, just as I like it. Not having to worry about money, atleast not about small things, being able to give an impromptu party, being able to buy something when you like it without thinking 5 times. And hopefully, at some point of time, I will reach that too.

Apart from that, coming to my personal life, I am quite falling into the role of a girlfriend which I was in the not too recent past. Its comfortable, without too much stress on my part. This is what I wanted, I needed, a fling, right? Wrong. Whatever happens, he isnt 'him'. I dont love him. But who needs love and all its complications anyway, right? So I will continue with this as long as my conscience allows me to. After that, its goodbye, and perhaps for the best.

So, sitting here, in my sister's clothes (god knows how I managed to fit into that), I am happy, and just that. And even though I know this is temporary, and when I go back to Jaipur things will be mad and hectic again, I am content. After all, I have all I need at the moment. A family, boyfriend, a love, and a lot of friends who love me.

I smile, and for a change, dont feel guilty about it.

Merry Christmas, folks.

So, I am sitting in Mumbai, bored out of my wits (as my facebook status also says thankyouverymuch) and as I have absolutely NOTHING productive to do, I think I'll give another update to my blog.


Now, the last time I wrote, WHOA, was that a conflicted post or what. But, apparantly, "some" people found it touching (how on earth, I have NO clue). So, that has inspired me to write it again, this time, knowing that he wont check it out anymore.

This blog is what I always wanted it to be, a random place where I come, rant, and forget about it until I come back again. It isnt really a blog I want other people to see, more like a place which would show me in the future how I was in the past. Doesnt make sense? Ohwell, when have I ever made sense.

So, lets talk about what is currently happening in my life. So, I fought with my best friend, that too, over a guy (something I NEVER thought could happen). But, somehow, I dont feel guilty this time. Call me a selfish bitch, or just deranged, I REALLY didnt think I did anything wrong. Nope, not me this time. But then again, as I tell myself over and over again, it is just another year. After that, a new me. I can finally let go of all that I am here, the "image" I created of myself in the 11 years that I spent in the school. Also, I am quite enjoying not having to defer to my boyfriend. Hell, I like that. Makes for a nice change, having someone say "as you say" to whatever wish you might have, instead of it being the other way around. Ofcourse, like my inner self tells me, I wouldnt mind having to defer to my boyfriend had it been T, but as the main motive of THIS relationship is convenience, its quite okay.


Hell, I am changing, and it doesnt seem like its for the better.

Anyway, rambled enough.

So, I write in this blog after a long time, trying to clear up my mind which is SO messed up at the moment. At this very moment, there are two guys in my life, let's call them A and T. Now, both are really special to me, perhaps T a little more. Okay, the truth is that i, the stupid little idiot that I am, am in love with T. Now, that shouldnt really have mattered, but T, cant really commit to me now, because of various reasons which would make this blog too long to be written in one sitting. So me and T decided to remain best friends, and try to work out a solution ourselves. Which, I might add, wasnt very near in the cards. And today, a very fine day, in a moment of emotional conflict, I said yes to A. Now, let me introduce A. He used to be a VERY good friend of mine, but things came in between us (namely, my darling ex) and we drifted apart. Well, sortve. So out of all the people in the world, A was the least likely person for me to date. Coming back to the present, I am really worried about A. I dont want to hurt him, but I will end up doing that anyway, because I dont love him. Atleast, not now. But T tells me to keep up with the relationship, perhaps to have me off his back. Whatever it be, I've decided to stick with my decision of dating A, and seeing how things go. Who knows, (even though I doubt it much) it might spark a bit of jealousy in T, and see me in a different light. Till then, I'm in the middle of a game which seems like will hurt more than just A.

I feel like a bitch, now. -_-

So here I am, once again, trying to write something in my blog, something I have been avoiding since quite a few days. Seems like everytime I begin to write, I hate it somewhere in the middle and give up on it. But it seems I am rambling.


So, what is going on in the world right now? Mumbai was under attack, and unlike others, I didnt sit in front of the idiot box and listen to newsreaders spout off words like "Osama terrorists ka mama" (unfortunately, my grandparents have taken a liking to IndiaTV). I, for a change, was far too disturbed by the happenings. Now this might sound callous, but I really don't get affected by all the news about bomb blasts happening all around the country anymore. But this, somehow, shook me up well and good. The biggest fact, the terrorists were very young. As I became so fond of repeating to my friends they looked like "people I would say were wearing good clothes". And as the final rescue operations in the Taj ended, I too with the rest of our country cheered for the NSG commandos. It brought out the patriotism in all of us, and I hope, made us a little more united as a country.


On a more personal level, things are going pretty fine. Good, even. We have fallen back into the comfortable friendship we always knew and wanted, and I am happy. I AM a little worried about the upcoming elections, but I have decided to leave everything to god. Anyway, there isn't much I can do.


So yes, this meaningless post about somethings and nothing, just because I felt my blog hadnt been updated in a long long time.

My recent read.

Stuck at home with nothing do to in particular..I decided to give some of my old books a reread..Specially the ones I distinctly disliked from the first read.I decided to start with an award winning book,"The God of Small Things" by Arundhati Roy.

The first time I read the book, I didnt understand why it had been awarded the booker prize.The storyline was too complicated, switching from past to present without any indication and the language was too descriptive.But as I was rereading the book...many small nuances which had earlier escaped my notice(perhaps because I was trying to read it too fast) became prominent..and so did the skill with which Ms. Roy has created a masterpiece.A very simple story, told in a very different manner.

The bond between Estha and Rahel has been portrayed so beautifully, that you as a reader feel drawn in towards their relationship.No words,no proclamations of love.Just an unspoken bond, which refuses to break.Set against the backdrop of an old school Kerela town..the story takes us into a world which refuses to give in to the future..holding its past in a strong grip.The old caste distinctions..The old prejudices against divorcees...Nothing changes.Something which ultimately leads to many lives getting ruined.

This book calls for a mature reader, as it contains explicit details about everything,something which might offend a reader with conservative sensibilities.But as we read further..we realise that all these details are necessary to create the correct atmosphere of the book and are not added just for the heck of it.And somewhere down the line..It is the simplicity of the story being told, which touches your heart in a way you can never imagine.

All in all..It is a good book, and very well worth a read.A word of caution though, do NOT try to rush through the book.Instead, savour every chapter and go with the pace of the book.

Timepass

So the holidays after the boards have started and having nothing to do has finally started to get to me..After all..There is only so much cleaning and rearranging one can do in her own room..So i have finally made a vow to write a blog post everyday..Even if it just consists of a word..

So..Today was uneventful..All i did was watch cheeni kum and X men 2 in parts..And yes..Felt guilty..Even though i didnt do anything wrong..But in all nobody seems to be having a particularly nice day today..with break ups and fights..And i feel so helpless not being able to help..


Anyway..My internet time seems to be over..So i end my post here.

The brouhaha over boards

Come march..And all tht can be seen in the newspapers is board talk...Boards boards boards...Cbse reforms..Study tips..Itz all about boards.And wasnt everyone supposed to be reducing the tension on us students?Well done folks..I am giving my boardz this year and NO, reading about board exams everytime i look at the newspaper is not particularly relaxing..And specially when the information being given is nothing new.All of us knew about the changed pattern in the beginning of the year...The revised question papers..And all the papers have done is to scare our parents even further about the upcoming boards(The parents are more worried about the result..Believe me.)Every year the boards are treated like these demons of examinations..Which are only there to terrorise you..If u let yourself be terrorised tht is..And for people like me..It is terrifying.And then the study timetables that would actually have our parents believe that studying for 10 hours a day is a must for securing a good percentage.

All i want the newspapers to do is to give actual information..If there is anything left to give..Otherwise..Shut up!Trust me ..that would go a long way in not panicking students like me..Specially those whose parents get more panicked than them themselves.Boards are just another exam..And itz about time we started treating them that way.

First day...

So this is my first day of blogging...the totally "in" thing to do at the moment.Why am i doing this?I have absolutely no clue.But i do feel that writing about the everyday happenings can actually help me develop my thoughts better..And plus its better than discussing everyday issues with your parents(Though you do get a totally conservative stance on every issue).But yea...Will my blog actually make a difference?No.Not really..But i guess it will just be a platform for me to express my viewpoint...Which sometimes never really comes out..I highly suspect if i would be able to blog everyday..(Even though i come online for atleast an hour everyday)But yea...I think it will be a good habit.And plus..Improve my writing skills...Something which really needs to be worked on.


So that is about it for the moment..Nothing special or debatable..But yes..its a start.