As usual, it is someone else's blog that made me remember mine. Also general past. Also the fact that I REALLY am doing anything and everything possible to avoid studying for my end terms. But whatever.
Have I really changed since the last time I wrote this? Am I the same person two years ago, who lived in Jaipur, and watched TV to feel better, and made lots of really good friends over the 'internet'. I don't know, maybe. I still watch a lot of TV, that's still my go to place when I feel upset. I still care too much about my friends. Maybe I am the same.
But then I have changed too. I won't admit it EVER, if C says this to me, but I have, really. In the name of being non- judgmental I have become morally ambivalent. Each to his own, I call it now. I need myself more now, more than ever. My constant need of being around people ALL THE TIME, maybe which came out of being an only child all my life has gone. I like being alone, being by myself. I still love to talk, but I can do without talking for a while too.
I am conflicted ALL the time. The choices I need to make, the choices I should make haunt me all the time. My constant need for drama seems to have subsided, though. And I still care too much about society, about what other people think of me. I still want to, NEED TO be the good person all the time.
People write off Bigg Boss, you know. Think its a bunch of random people doing excess drama, just to gain TRPs. And I am sure, most of it is the same. But people who write it off don't realize how much of human nature it truly shows. People turning their back on friends. People hurting each other in the same of 'speaking the truth'. Its all the truth. But like in real life, I have trailed off.
Coming back to my change. I have become crueller somehow, harsher. I say things now I would never have said 2 years ago. I eat a lot more, and have become MUCH more vain. And selfish too, probably. I can blame my college, everyone does so, law school makes you a schmuck in real life and so on. But somewhere I know, maybe, just maybe, even if the circumstances were the same, I would still be this girl.
In short, I've grown up. Become more cynical. Sometimes I miss the girl I was, socially awkward, scared to actually go talk to people, always saying the wrong thing when I did. And I see glimpses of that girl when I am sitting alone in the college TV room, flipping channels, trying to get away from the world that I now call my own.
Have I really changed since the last time I wrote this? Am I the same person two years ago, who lived in Jaipur, and watched TV to feel better, and made lots of really good friends over the 'internet'. I don't know, maybe. I still watch a lot of TV, that's still my go to place when I feel upset. I still care too much about my friends. Maybe I am the same.
But then I have changed too. I won't admit it EVER, if C says this to me, but I have, really. In the name of being non- judgmental I have become morally ambivalent. Each to his own, I call it now. I need myself more now, more than ever. My constant need of being around people ALL THE TIME, maybe which came out of being an only child all my life has gone. I like being alone, being by myself. I still love to talk, but I can do without talking for a while too.
I am conflicted ALL the time. The choices I need to make, the choices I should make haunt me all the time. My constant need for drama seems to have subsided, though. And I still care too much about society, about what other people think of me. I still want to, NEED TO be the good person all the time.
People write off Bigg Boss, you know. Think its a bunch of random people doing excess drama, just to gain TRPs. And I am sure, most of it is the same. But people who write it off don't realize how much of human nature it truly shows. People turning their back on friends. People hurting each other in the same of 'speaking the truth'. Its all the truth. But like in real life, I have trailed off.
Coming back to my change. I have become crueller somehow, harsher. I say things now I would never have said 2 years ago. I eat a lot more, and have become MUCH more vain. And selfish too, probably. I can blame my college, everyone does so, law school makes you a schmuck in real life and so on. But somewhere I know, maybe, just maybe, even if the circumstances were the same, I would still be this girl.
In short, I've grown up. Become more cynical. Sometimes I miss the girl I was, socially awkward, scared to actually go talk to people, always saying the wrong thing when I did. And I see glimpses of that girl when I am sitting alone in the college TV room, flipping channels, trying to get away from the world that I now call my own.
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