The special day

Today, for a change, was a very special day for me. I went to his home, and loved it there. It almost felt like my home. His mom was awesome, much like I expected, prettier than I thought. His dad, well, he talks less, and I'm a bit scared of him, but I'm sure he's nice, and fun to be with, in general. His kid brother, was EXACTLY how I imagined him. Full of life, energy, and just ultimate fun. A kid, by all means. Exactly like me. :P

And then there was him, by my side the entire time, supporting me, helping him, telling me that I'm doing good. Stealing kisses when no one was looking, and trying to play footsie under the table. Flirting with Aditi because he KNEW how much it annoyed me, and just being him all the time. He was perfect.

But then, so was the house, right? It felt like a home, with the low seating in front of the tv that I love, and just the entire atmosphere. I fell in love with it, sortve like I fell in love with mami's house. But then again, I really liked the people inside it, how could I not like the house? xD

So, special day, big day for me. I'm trying to calm myself down by writing this blog, by ridding myself of the need to talk about the day, but I'm not sure if it'll work.

I love you baby, and I love your home as much.

Coming home.

Coming back after a break of around 3 days, I expected to be refreshed, but am not. Same old dad yelling at me to study, no mum back yet ( For a change, I'm NOT thankful for that) and the same old life. I'd thought that I would miss home, and be happy to be back but the only thing I'm actually happy about is being back to you. Maybe home IS where the heart is. Even though we fight like cats and dogs, every two days, we know, that we're all that either of us has. 

Both, have different homes, different families, different friends, different likes and dislikes, and different, even clashing personalities, but, at the end of the day, we're everything for each other. We're lost without the other being at our side, watching us, and how much ever we fight, we know that we wont even know how to move on without the other. Both of us are so woven into each other, that now its tough to say where one ends and the other begins. We're each others parents, kids, doctors, enemies, but, above all, we're best friends. We know the other's flaws like the back of our hands, and yet, we continue being with the other person, because flaws do not make a person bad, they just make him more human. If we were to list our differences, we wouldnt find a paper long enough, but our similarities begin and end at the fact that we love each other a lot.

This para was concieved while sitting in the bus, looking out of the window and tightly hugging pintu

Unrequited love

Unrequited love. Does it really exist? Or maybe its just another way to hurt yourself more, to delude yourself, and help to see ourselves as tragic heroes or heroines in our mind's eye. No doubt, it hurts, but as a question once put up by my darling ex, "Is it really love if its one sided?" Now, as prone as I am to disagree with whatever he says, but for once, he actually had a point. Love, as we know it, has to be from both sides. One sided love is either a crush, or a major infatuation.

Going through the same motions as my topic suggests for about a year, I think I know a decent amount on the subject. It's a time when you carefully look for signs that the other person loves you, and sometimes if you dont find them, you create them. You wish so hard, that at times you actually start believing your wishes.

One sided love, most of the times, ends in a heartbreak. Almost all the people going through these feelings undergo a period of extreme hatred followed by a mellowing down of emotions. With time, we learn to laugh about it, but the hurt takes a long time to go away. The best thing that one can do in such a situation is to accept the facts and move on. I know it seems really hard at first, but hey, you gotta do it sometime.

One of the WORST things you can do is be "best friends" with the person you love. Who are you fooling, there is nothing "friendly" about the way you feel about him/her. Trust me, doesnt work. If anything, hurts more, and the person you love, starts taking you for granted. Been there, done that buddy. Distancing yourself is the only thing that helps, provided you have enough things to hide behind and an awesome friend system. Its important to feel comfortable and warm, and to understand that life can function normally, even without that person.

So, my friends, stay away from unrequited love, because in the end, the only person getting hurt is you.

Is love enough?

The last time, I talked about love, and what it meant for me and a few others. But this time, lets talk in continuation to that, is love enough? We love a lot of people, and say I love you, without really meaning it. But lets ignore all the times you said "I love you, man" to someone for getting you a cup of coffee. Lets talk about the times you really mean it, and love someone with all your heart. Is it enough to sustain a relationship? Is it right that every time one goofs up, you say "I love you" and hope everything will be fine again?

There is no set answer to this question, no correct answer. Like everything related with love, it is subjective, and means different things for different people. And as usual, I speak just for me when I say, no, it isn't enough. Yes, loving is a huge part of a relationship, integral even, but is it every thing? Nope. Respect for one another, listening to one another, trusting one another, and even liking one another is a major part of any relationship. Ofcourse, many of you might say that when you love a person all this comes naturally, but many a times it doesn't. We need to work for it. And, I'm sure all of you agree, that when we love a person, we accept him/her WITH his faults. But do you agree with his faults? Does it make those faults more appealing to you? I doubt. Ofcourse, you dont mind them in your partner, but do you not mind them in the world? Yes, maybe you do.

Love binds us, but it takes a lot of work to hold a relationship together. So yeah, at the risk of sounding like a debate, love isnt enough, not until coupled with respect and understanding, with a little sprinkling of the ability to listen.

P.S. This idea was conceived of my Chirag Jain, my awesome friend, and I just embroidered it a bit. I dont intend to steal, no way. :P

love, and its definitions.

Come, let me tell you a little secret. Tofu, is in love with a boy. But, what is love? Is it staying up nights talking and giggling just because you want to? Or is it helping him out with his project, because you want the best for him? Or probably it is waiting for his phonecall, and missing him all the time you arent talking to him or texting him. Or maybe, its none of this, and its an illusion created by marketeers to sell more chocolate ice-creams. :P

To me, love is trust, faith, unconditional belief in a person, which gets shaken only with some difficulty. Now, I agree, most people view love differently, and maybe they're right. Love is subjective, after all.

So, whatever maybe the definition of love to her, and whether her love believes it or not, she loves him. Unconditionally, the way a puppy loves his master. And she will continue loving him long after he is gone. Left her, not dead, that is. :P

Love, is unexplainable.

Hurting, at times. :P

Someone once said, " The only people who can hurt you are the people you give that power to". I had honestly thought whatever power I had given to you, was taken back, but no, you still have the power to hurt me even when you dont try. Things arent the same again, the way they were in 11th grade. My entire friend circle has changed, if I have one anymore, that is. xD People have started drifting apart, or maybe its just me. But, whatever be the case, I'm just not friends with the same people anymore. And it hurts, at times, but then again, I'm to blame, for most things.

I try to be good. A good student, debater, quizzer, friend, girlfriend, daughter and a good human being. But lately, all this has been getting to me. "Its too much!", my mind says in a whiny little voice, reminiscent of a certain someone. :P

I've stayed up nights, talking to you about YOUR dreams, YOUR goals, trying to be your support throughout. But probably it would have helped if I were a bitch to you, and hotter, probably. Maybe, that would get you to run behind me the way you do to her. I've done a lot in the past year, and I'm done. Finished. I just cant run behind people anymore. I'm tired. I just, want someone to look after me for a change. And god knows I have found that person. I'm just, not going to leave him now.

So life is mixed my friends, for one good thing, at times you have to give up a lot of others, which turns out to be bad.

But then, that is life.

Closing up

And once again, I've managed to mess up everything, lost everything dear to me. For the first time in my life, I've drawn inside, not wanting to share my hurt with anyone else, and ended up hurting people further. I know I'm not a good person. I've failed as a friend, a girlfriend, and for a change, even as a student. I couldnt manage anything, and hurt the very people who loved me the most. Closing up, shutting everyone down didnt work at all, but instead landed me here, where I've got nothing to do but apologise. Every time, every single time I've turned selfish, it has backfired on me. Yesterday, in the rain, I felt as if all my troubles would wash away if I stood out for a long time. But, nothing happened. Instead, I fucked up the only thing that is keeping me sane. The only person who loves me unconditionaly. I want to make things okay but dont know how. I dont know how to do anything anymore. So, I go back to closing up. Maybe, this way, I'll hurt fewer people, and make their lives easier.